Muservation

A stone's throw from Opinionsville


An Allegory is a story, poem, or picture that can be interpreted to reveal a hidden meaning, typically a moral or political one.

Three Hooves

Deer! What happened?

I was bounding through a  sunny field of buttercups and larkspur, when all of a sudden I found myself on the ground with one eye to the sky and three hooves on the ground.

Were you alone?

Oh, yeah, I was until some guy passed by a day or so before you showed up.

Listen, I’m in a lot of pain here. The last guy checked my vitals and gave me these little blue pills. Said they’d help with the anxiety. But I really need to get up and find my other hoof and eye. You got any ideas as to how I might best go about getting that done?

Do you have a family history of one eye and three hooves?

None whatsoever.

Tell you what, let’s run a panel. I’ll need to draw some blood. We’ll know more when the results come in. It takes a couple of days. You will hear from me then. I see that you have plenty of nourishment nearby. The daisies, buttercups and lamb’s quarters are fine. Try to get some sour grass too. Perhaps a few puffballs or shaggy manes would be good. Personally I would avoid the larkspur. See you in a couple of days. Looks like you have enough meds for now.

Okay. Thanks for stopping by.

Well, well, well! There you are, Deer. My pal said I might find you in the vicinity. I was on my way out of the office for a vacation at my cabin up the way. It’s hunting season, you know. He asked me to drop by with your blood test results. As far as I can tell, nothing stands out, so that’s good news. But I noticed your age on the report. Have you ever had a colonoscopy?

No, not as far as I know. But I am missing an eye and a hoof. Is there anything you can do to help me with that?

How do you know you are missing an eye and a hoof? What! Are you a doctor now or something?

No, but…

Let’s get that colonoscopy done first. I brought the kit and the instructions. The one–eyed version is on the back; see, if you turn it over you can follow the directions. On the day before your procedure, it’s okay to take in clear fluids, not red or purple, and nothing after 5 p.m. The results will go to my pal. He will let you know if there’s anything important.

Okay, now I have to get back on the road. Have a nice day.

Okay, you too.

Hi, I was told to look for you on the way up here to join my friend at the cabin. He asked me to check in on you. You okay?

I’m having some trouble with my eyes. One seems to have gone missing—along with one of my hooves.

When was the last time you had your vision checked?

Never gave it a thought.

This is your lucky day, because I happen to have my equipment with me. Let’s have a look. Maybe all you need is a slight correction; probably not a prism, but who knows until I try?

Sure, why not. Can you make it quick? My missing eye is killing me.

I’m going to have to lift your head, is that okay?

Whatever works.

Uh-oh. It looks like you might have diabetes. Does it run in the family? I’d have that checked out right away if I were you. Must run for now, but do get that checked out. Have a good one!

Yes, ma’am. Will do.

I got a call from my lady friend saying something about a deer with diabetes, so I said I’d look for you. She’s a heck of an ophthalmologist, but a bad shot. We just like to have her with us for the pleasure of her company at the cabin. Thing is, she doesn’t mind us tracking in dirt and all. A good woman if you ask me. Everybody else is already there, setting up the barbecue and cleaning their guns. I tell you, this vacation is long overdue; been waiting all year for this. Got my license and ready for action.

If you don’t mind, I’d like to take a blood sample—just a little stick and we’re done. I can check the results when I get to the cabin. I’ll call the results in to my nurse; have her let you know if you need to come in.

That’s very kind of you. Thanks for stopping by.

Deer! What happened! Your ribs are showing and you have only one eye and three hooves. What happened?!

As near as I can recall, it’s something to do with buttercups and diabetes. What else, I do not really know at this time. It has been many moons since the last guy came along; that, I know.

Sis, go get mom, quick! This deer probably has diabetes, and you know what happened to Uncle Steve when he had it, bless his soul. Hurry! Get mom. She’ll know what to do.

Son, this deer is in bad shape. I called its primary caregiver asking about the diabetes test and he said to come in right away. We have to get this deer to town. It looks like we have to take out a couple of posts, so go get the reciprocating Wolf saw and the compressor from the shop. Grab a couple of those 810C/225 9-inchers while you’re at it.

Atta boy! Careful of those barbs. Wouldn’t want you getting lockjaw from this old rusty fence. Should have replaced it years ago.

Hang in there, Deer. We got the section cut. Now’s when the going gets tough. We’re going to lift you and the section up onto the flatbed. Don’t worry, we’ll tie you down real good. Some of those curves to town can be a real rock ‘n’ roll ride.

Arrighty, kids, let’s hit the road! You know it’s going to be a job getting that deer and the fence posts into the office. I hope the receptionist doesn’t give us any grief about this situation. That barbed wire is going to create some problems with the office upholstery, but they’ll get over it soon enough.

The good news is I found the results for the glucose test in the back office across the street. The bad news is, the levels are high—up around 400 or so. It’s a good thing you three brought the deer in right away.

Deer, does your family have a history of diabetes?

Is there any sign of my other eye and hoof? I’d really like to get back on my feet and bound through the buttercups—like I was doing before all this came about.

This prescription should take care of the diabetes. I counted two eyes and four hooves, which is normal, so that’s good. But one of your hooves is aloft and one eye is closer to the ground than the other.

It might be good to see a psychiatrist at this point. Stop at the front desk for a referral. Otherwise, stay on the medication and you should do okay. If you have any questions, give us a call.

Excuse me—one last question? Where should we take the deer? I mean, the deer seems rather famished and fearful. Where should I take the deer?

You could take the deer out to the lot in back of the office—should be fine there. Plenty of buttercups, but we’re a little short on daisies at this time of year. Please be careful going through the lobby. We’ve had three cases like this in as many years, and the barbs on the wires are wreaking havoc on our upholstery budget.

If there’s anything else we can do for you, give us a call any time. Our office is open Monday through Thursday, except for holidays, from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Take care now! Drive carefully on the way home. That road is a real ride, if you know what I mean.

#blogging101 #allegory #healthcare

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